Dee:
Mike and I decided to be good little health nuts and go to the Bally in Arlington. It's right by the Pentagon - how cool is that! It should be way easy to find. One quick little mishap on the way there, but we figured it out. BONUS: It's only 10 minutes from our hotel!
Mike:
Dee, (henceforth known as navigator) did an awesome prep job, and printed out directions to the gym before we left on our trip. I was the only authorized driver of our hot rental trailblazer, so in we piled and off we went.
Navigator:
Mike (henceforth known as driver) is very good at changing lanes and last minute freeway changes - and trust me - the freeways intersect and change at least once every 20 feet. Other drivers keep honking at us, but hey, we don't know where we are going - we are from Connecticut (according to our license plate)!
Driver:
ok, so I missed an off ramp. near the pentagon (which will quickly become a theme),
Navigator:
Sorry. I was so impressed with seeing the Pentagon that I forgot about directions. Trust me - it's cool....the FIRST time...
Driver:
but I recovered using the special "man-sense" of directional driving. "I passed it, so I'll turn around and look until I find it."
Navigator:
We worked out. The gym was HOT! By that I mean, high coolness factor and EXTREMELY HIGH temperature. Now, we get to go to the hotel, shower and get dinner. Boy am I hungry!
Driver:
You don't reaaly want to be around her when she's hungry. As she is RIGHT NOW, as we type this, but anyway, we've got directions, so we should be good
Editor's Note:
Current Time: 6:35 pm
Navigator:
You know how MapQuest gives you the option of printing "Reverse Directions"? Well, why bother, right? Just use the ones you have and go backwards! Um...yeah...you'll see...
Driver:
looking for Joyce to turn left on, looking for joyce to turn left on.....
Navigator:
Hmm...we didn't go this way before. Let's just keep going to we see our freeway. Remember how I earlier stated that the freeways change every 20 feet? Yeah...
Driver:
look! the pentagon!
Navigator:
Cool! We must be going the right way. Although, I don't quite "feel" it...Hey, isn't that the Lincoln Memorial?!
Driver:
I think thats the jefferson memorial, lincoln is over there.
Editors Note:
At this point in the story, neither the Driver nor the Navigator realizes that they should not be SO CLOSE to these monuments....
Driver:
Were we supposed to cross the river?
Navigator:
We crossed the river?
Driver:
crap. lets turn around. if we're near the river, were near the hotel. we can find it.
Navigator:
Okay, but I'm not really feelin it still. Let's just try 395 South.
Driver:
Look! The pentagon!
Navigator:
Crap. But hey! We can find it from here!!
Driver:
ok. joyce to turn left didn't work. lets try something else. (navigator navigates us into little mexico)
Navigator:
Um...Driver took us to the ghetto CVS. I suggested turning around and trying to figure it out. Driver decides to be a little girl and stop for directions. Did I mention we were in the ghetto (aka Little Mexico). In we go to CVS and ask our friendly cashier (BRUNO - I swear to God) for directions:
Driver:
first off, my man sense of direction was overridden by her unsatiable hunger, so i stopped as a concession. not out of need. i knew right where we were. near the pentagon. So I ask Bruno: ?Usted sabe conseguir al aeropuerto?
Bruno:
ummmm. ?que?
Navigator:
New approach. I have this map. Where are we now?
Bruno:
ummmm. ?que? let's ask my manager
Editor's Note:
Our heros now follow Bruno around for 10 minutes to find someone knowledgable. [Enter manager]
Mangaer:
?Que? Airport? That's easy!
Driver and Navigator:
Great!!
Manger:
Turn Left.
Driver:
Look. The pentagon!!
Navigator:
Okay! We can find it from here!! This time, lets follow the signs to our airport. We are right by there!
Driver:
Piece of cake!! 17 turns later, we arrive at the airport!! Wait - isn't that George Washington Parkway?
Navigator:
Yes! That's our road!!
Editors note:
And our tired heros finally arrive back at their hotel (in a crappy parking spot) around 7:50pm. For a 10 minute drive.
Navigator:
I decided to run those handy "Reverse Directions" this morning. It was a COMPLETELY different route to get home. And, only 6 minutes! Not 10 like on the way there! Go figure...
Editor's note:
And that ends our story. We hate DC.
Driver:
Look! The pentagon!
As I'm reading this, I'm thinking, "Man, I've got work to do. I don't have time to read through all of this. I'll just wait for the movie to come out." But, the storyline was so gripping. You wonder, with each and every wrong turn what will happen next to our heros. I was thrilled, I was moved...what a story!
I think the movie should be entitled, "Driving Miss Deana." Oscar here we come. Start writing those acceptance speeches. I wonder who'll play Mike's part...Brad? Tom? George?
Posted by: haywood at January 27, 2005 01:22 PMPersonally, I'm waiting for the sequel entitled, "Why are Mike and Dee in DC?"
So you guys like the Pentagon huh? I was wondering what you meant by "the first time".
Funny story.
A father mentioning the term "first time" in a sentence regarding one of his children...you are the coolest dad, ever!
Posted by: Jeff at January 27, 2005 03:15 PMGreat story. Always fun to read a story in a post... quite possibly best post this year so far!
Geez Jeff, That hurt!
Posted by: Ray at January 28, 2005 10:12 AMCome on, Ray....you walked right into that one :)
Posted by: Jeff at January 28, 2005 10:56 AMYeh you're right. But as a father I was thinking in a different direction. Ya just gotta believe me...
Posted by: Ray at January 28, 2005 02:22 PM